SKEPTIC DEV0 2 Machabees : Absurdity

And having taken the city by the will of the Lord, he made an unspeakable slaughter, so that a pool adjoining of two furlongs broad seemed to run with the blood of the slain. 12:16

Trivia: Who created the first and only library mentioned in the Bible?

2 Machabees : Absurdity (38)

  1. Antiochus came to the temple planning to marry the sex goddess Nanea. 1:13

  2. Moses and Solomon prayed and fire came down from heaven and burned their animal sacrifices. 2:10

  3. The women put haircloth on their breasts, and the virgins who were shut up came out. 3:19

  4. A horse and a terrible rider appeared, striking Heliodorus with his fore feet. 3:25

  5. Two beautiful, srong, bright, and glorious young men appeared in comely apparel, who scourged Heliodorus with many stripes. 3:26

  6. While Onias prayed, the same young men said to Heliodorus, "Thank Onias, because God has allowed you to live because of his prayers." 3:33

  7. Jason asked King Antiochus to build a place for exercise and for young people in Jerusalem. The king granted Jason's request, and the people began to live like heathens. 4:9

  8. Jason brought in perverse fashions. He even set up places for exercise and put the best youths in brothel houses. 4:11

  9. Thus the wicked and abominable Jason made the people more heathen-like by adopting foreign customs and manners. 4:13

  10. The priests despised the temple and neglected their animal sacrifices, and began to play games and exercise with the discus. 4:14

  11. The people began to throw stones, clubs, and ashes at Lysimachus. They killed or wounded many of his army, and the rest ran away. Then they killed Lysimachus, that sacrilegious fellow, himself. 4:41

  12. For forty days, horses appeared in the sky carrying horsemen with gold clothing and spears. 5:1

  13. The temple was full of the riot and revelry of the Gentiles, and of men lying with lewd women. 6:4

  14. The oldest son had his tongue cut off, the skin of his head was removed, and his hands and feet were cut off while his brothers and mother watched. After that, while he was still alive, he was fried in the frying pan. While he was being tormented, his brothers and mother told him to die like a man, saying, "God and his servants will take pleasure in us." 7:4

  15. The mother watched her seven sons die on the same day. She said to them, "I don't know how you were formed in my womb, but God will bring you back to life." 7:20

  16. Judas gathered 7000 men who were ready to fight. He told them to trust in God, who can destroy their enemies, even the whole world. And he reminded them of how God killed 185,000 under Sennacherib. 8:16

  17. Nicanor proclaimed that the Jews had God on their side, and therefore couldn't be hurt. 8:36

  18. Worms also swarmed out of this body, while his flesh fell off, and his whole body smelled so awful that it disgusted his army. No one could his dead body because it smelled so bad. In this way God punished him, with his pain increasing every moment. 9:9

  19. He smelled so bad, that even he couldn't stand his own stench. 9:11

  20. Then Timotheus tried to take Judea by force. But Judas Machabeus his men prayed to God, sprinkled dirt on their heads, and girded their loins with haircloth. They prostrated themselves at the foot of the altar and asked God to become the enemy of their enemies (as the law says). 10:24

  21. When the battle started, five men on horses appeared from heaven. 10:28

  22. They cast darts and fireballs on the enemy, causing them to be blind and confused. And more than 20,500 were killed, along with 600 horsemen. 10:30

  23. Machabeus (Judas) and all the people asked God to send a good angel to save Israel. And there appeared in Jerusalem a horseman in white clothing and golden armor, shaking a spear. 11:6

  24. The rest of Lysias's army ran away naked, including Lysias himself. 11:12

  25. Lysias knew, since he was a man of understanding, that the Hebrews couldn't be overcome because God was on their side. 11:13

  26. Judas sent an army of 6000 to fight against Timotheus, who had an army of 120,000 men and 2500 horsemen. When the army of Timotheus saw Judas's army, they were afraid of the presence of God, and started to kill each other with their own swords. 12:20

  27. Judas asked God to be their helper and leader in the battle, and began to sing hymns, which made Gorgias's solders run away. 12:36

  28. Then Judas collected the bodies of his soldiers who had died in battle, Â and he found the tokens of the idols of Jamnia, which if forbidden to the Jews. And so they plainly saw that this was the reason they had died in battle. 12:39

  29. Judas told his soldiers not to sin, or they would be killed like the idol-wearing soldiers. 12:42

  30. Judas sent silver to Jerusalem to be offered for the sins of the dead. (Because he hoped the dead would rise again. Otherwise there would be no reason to pray for the dead.) 12:43

  31. It is, therefore, a holy and wholesome thing to pray fro the dead, so they can be delivered from their sins. 12:46

  32. God inspired Antiochus to put Menelaus to death by throwing him off a 50-cubit high tower. So that's what they did. And he deserved it for offending God. 13:4

  33. The people lay prostrate on the ground continuously or three days, while Judas exhorted them to fight to the death for God's laws. 13:12

  34. Razias, the father of the Jews, tried to kill himself with his sword. But he didn't die from his wound, so he jumped off a wall into a crowd below. The fall didn't kill him either, though, so he got up and ran through the crowd while the blood flowed down in a great stream. Then he climbed up on a rock, grabbed his bowels in both hands, and threw them at the crowd, while calling on God, the Lord of life. And so he died. 14:37

  35. Judas told his soldiers about a dream that he had that should be believed. In his dream, Jeremias (Jeremiah) gave him a gold sword, and said, "Take this holy sword from God. With it you will defeat the enemies of my people, Israel." 15:11

  36. Judas prayed to God, saying, "Once you sent an angel who killed 185,000 soldiers in Sennacherib's army. Send that angel again for us now. So that the blasphemers will be afraid of us." 15:21

  37. If I did well, it will become history. If I didn't do well, please forgive me. 15:39

  38. Because it isn't healthy to always drink wine, or always water, but sometimes it's good to drink one and sometimes the other. 15:40

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